Nice
I can see it took effort here, man.
The phrasing was pretty nice and arrangement wasn't so bad.
What may be the problem is the choice of instruments or lack of mixer application. Perhaps both. The Piano was good, but it had no reverb from the mixer, therefore making it sound lil' cheesy and not that impressive. The string used for the main melody could have been better as well. In fact you could have started from your original string and used the mixer and automations to have the song gradually progress to a better sounding synth string like Silver Saw or something more dynamic to create a more dynamic climax and therefore make it sound WAAAY COOL. Many good songs I've heard used the same techniques and I was imppressed.
Anyway, the rest was very nice and well-arranged. If you like this genre you might like what I have in my audio page as well. Feel free to visit anytime.
4/5!